Tears Will Fall

Tears Will Fall

Today the tears prick so close to the surface that I fear they will spill at any moment. Today, Friday morning, 4 years ago, the phone rang.

“Harry has had a fall.”

Today, I will allow my tears to fall. A hot stream of silent tears hidden behind tinted car windows. Silently falling past dark sunglasses. Tears of grief, shed in secret.

A grief that I don’t know I want to feel, should feel or even do truly feel any longer.

I don’t want you to see my tears. I don’t want you to misunderstand my tears.

They are not for what, some may think, we don’t have. Perhaps they are for what we once had…perhaps.

They are tears of shock remembered. Tears of grief remembered. Reliving nights of stillness, of confusion, of fear. The quiet beeps of monitors and comforting, consistent woosh woosh woosh of the ventilator.

4 years.

4 years of learning. 4 years of therapy, meditation and mindfulness to accept and embrace a new path.

Our vision is different now. We are good and we are happy.

But today, the tears will fall. And I will let them.

hjm

14 thoughts on “Tears Will Fall

  1. I think of you all often, I think of you all fondly, I particular think of you today every year. H definitely picked the right parents when he picked you too. blessed xx

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    1. Sometimes it feels like it’s all going to pass easily, but then it doesn’t quite go as expected… Sending love back to you too. Another year we’ve all made it through x

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  2. Thank you so much Micheala for sharing such a raw emotion beautifully written. We think of you and your family so often with love in our hearts. X

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  3. Hi Michaela, 4 years now – that day remains in my memory. I’m no longer working, but am inspired by what you and your family have achieved! Love and best wishes, Phil and Kathryn xx

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